If you're looking for things to buy on Amazon, you're in the right place. Below is the full list of everything we have on the site.

1 Pint of Fake Blood

Rating: 4 stars
$8.98

It’s always handy to have a little fake blood around this house, so why not stock up now? If we can be so bold as to suggest a pairing for this product, we think it would go nicely with a fake pregnancy belly.

1,000 Live Crickets

Rating: 3.5 stars
$24.99

In many countries, crickets are considered good luck. What could be more lucky than having a box of 1,000 shipped to your (or your worst enemy’s) house? Is it bad luck if half of them arrive dead?

1,500 Ladybugs

Rating: 4.5 stars
$12.00

How do you place a value on the life of a living thing? Apparently with ladybugs, it’s pretty straightforward. $3.45 / 1,500 = $0.002 per life.

100 Rubber Duckies

Rating: 4.5 stars
$34.29

1 rubber ducky. 2 rubber duckies. 3 rubber duckies. 4.

10x10x10 Speed Cube

Rating: 4.5 stars
$78.85

Is your traditional 3X3X3 Rubik’s Cube just too easy? Step it up a notch with a cube that has 100 squares per side. Yikes.

26 Pound Gummy Snake

Rating: 4 stars
$149.95

Diabetes, here we come! It’s labelled as a “party snake”, but I’ve never been to a party where this would be appropriate.

4 Ounces of Coyote Urine

Rating: 3.5 stars
$10.14

There’s only one name in Coyote Urine, and that’s Rickard’s. Why skimp?

4th Doctor Tie

Rating: 4 stars
$11.65

Are you a Tom Baker man? Do you know someone who really digs the fourth doctor? If so, this is a terrific gift with (rare for this site) practical application for the Dr. Who fan in your life.

55 Gallon Drum of Lubricant

Rating: 4 stars
$1,468.80

Words like “too much lube” get thrown around a lot these days, but we don’t think it’s been entirely applicable until now.

8 lbs of Cereal Marshmallows

Rating: 4.5 stars
$40.90

Tired of “big cereal” being so stingy with their cereal to marshmallow ratio? You can now add as many lucky charms as you wish. We estimate that this bulk marshmallow bag will last you approximately 72 years.

8 Pounds of Gummi Bears

Rating: 4.5 stars
$9.99

What can you do with 8 lbs of gummi bears? What can’t you do? Just imagine how popular you’d be if you gave each trick-or-treater one of these big ass bags of gummi bears!

800 Fake Diamonds

Rating: 4.5 stars
$7.50

Now’s your chance to convince people that you pulled off the heist of the century.

A Mug That Won’t Tip Over

Rating: 4 stars
$27.99

Stop burning yourself, ruining your important documents, and making your vehicle sticky ya klutz! This mug is guaranteed not to tip when placed on a flat surface.

A Shocking Game

Rating: 4.5 stars
$34.95

Have a slow reaction time? Well, then you deserved to be shocked. Lightning Reaction Reloaded is a party game that has consequences for losing.

A Shocking Pen

Rating: 3.5 stars
$6.93

Teach those pen thieves a valuable lesson.  With electric shock therapy.

Alexander Hamilton Bobblehead

Rating: 4.5 stars
$19.95

Oh [Bobblehead] Alexander Hamilton: When America sings for you, will they know what you overcame?

Analyze Your Poop

Rating: 4.5 stars

“What’s Your Poo Telling You?” is a funny book about the most curious of topics. Poop. Well-written and much loved, this book will appeal to everyone who loves fecal matter. (heh)

Ancient Roman Coin

Rating: 4 stars

This stuff belongs in a museum! Apparently not only are there enough of these ancient Roman coins laying around that you can buy them on Amazon, you can get them pretty cheaply.

Avocado Slicer Tool

Rating: 3.5 stars

Peels, slices, pitts, and resembles avocados! Advertised as a 3 in 1 tool, but that sure sounds like more like a 4 in 1.

Awesome USB Microscope

Rating: 3 stars
$43.99

Love magnifying things but don’t have the lab clearance to do it at your behest? This handy USB microscope is just what you’re looking for.

Badonkadonk Land Cruiser

Rating: 3.5 stars

For $20k, it should have a good sound system, and it does.

Batman Costume

Rating: 3 stars
$267.62 - $985.28

Full-on, full-sized Batman costume.  I hope you don’t have a latex allergy, ’cause this bad boy is full of it.

Belt Buckle Flask

Rating: 4.5 stars
$7.49

Because alcohol just tastes better when it’s been illicitly smuggled in close proximity to your crotch.

Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Lock

Rating: 4 stars
$35.95

Protect the things you hold most dear – whether they be ‘Chunky Monkey,’ ‘Cake Batter,’ or ‘Banana Split’- with this handy ice cream pint combination lock. Or, alternatively, a pretty effective weight loss method for anyone incapable of remembering 3 digits.

Betty Crocker Pizza Maker

Rating: 4.5 stars
$32.15

A new convenient way to cook your pizzas, croissants, or quesadillas, or a wild card in the page-turning mystery of how you’ll ultimately send your house up in flames.

Beyonce Collage T-Shirt

Rating: 0 stars

Queen Bee. Sasha Fierce. Yonce. The gang’s all here, from “Dangerously In Love” to “Lemonade.”

Big Ass Beanbag Chair

Rating: 3.5 stars
$203.33

It’s well-known that we’re connoisseurs of big beanbag chairs, and this is our favorite.  This beast is technically not full of beans, but “fuf foam“.  It’s hard to overstate how big this really is.  You think “7 feet by 5 feet, I know how big that is”. No you don’t, it’s enormous.  But… if you’re in the market for a huge couch/bed/beanbag chair, stop shopping now and buy it.

Bizarre Ostrich Pillow

Rating: 2.5 stars

Nap and look completely insane almost anywhere with this head enveloping “Ostrich Pillow.” You can wear it on a plane, you can wear it on a train, you can wear it in your house, you can… you can wear it anywhere as long as you have the confidence.

Bottle Opener And Phone Charger

Rating: 3.5 stars
$8.99

Now the two things you need most will come with you whenever you’ve got your keys! BYOB.

Breakaway Prop Bottles

Rating: 4 stars
$149.99

Smash a bottle over your friend’s head, just like in the movies. Except with these, no blood or concussions.

Breakfast in 5 Minutes

Rating: 4.5 stars
$29.99

Get off your lazy butt and create a breakfast sandwich in a hurry. 5 minutes to deliciousness.

Bug-A-Salt Salt Gun

Rating: 4.5 stars
$47.85

Why break out a nasty old flyswatter when you can bust a cap into that fly’s ass? This little gun shoots salt, and will kill flies in mid-air. Improve your shooting skills and kill bugs!

Bumper Ball Suits

Rating: 3 stars
$59.87

There’s no way jumping into each other repeatedly could ever get old! Makes for a super fun outdoor game for the kids.

Camera Lens Cup

Rating: 4 stars
$12.40

Smile for the coffee mug! Okay fine. Smile after you’ve had what’s in the coffee mug.

Cheeseburger Head Mask

Rating: 3.5 stars

You are what you eat now. Or, at least your head is.

Chewbacca Hoodie

Rating: 4.5 stars
$41.34 - $98.71

Show your dedication to the Rebel Alliance, and your disdain for losing at Dejarik, with this stylish Star Wars hoodie.

Chunk of Gallium

Rating: 4 stars
$10.00

In case you’re not familiar, gallium is a wicked cool little element. While it is a metal, it has a melting point at around 85 °F, and will easily melt in your hand. This lends itself to all sorts of cool science experiments and demonstrations.

Club Hoodie

Rating: 4 stars

Those abs aren’t going to show themselves brah.

Coffee Makes Me Poop Mug

Rating: 4 stars
$14.99

Well, does it? If so, I see no reason why you shouldn’t tell the world about it. And what better way than this wonderful, poop-shaped, poop-colored coffee mug? If coffee makes you poop, own it!

Coke Can Stash Safe

Rating: 4 stars
$7.40

“You put your weed in there man”. There’s no shortage of things you might want to keep secret from others in your household, and this little diversion safe does the trick. The idea is that someone who is looking through your things wouldn’t think twice about inspecting everyday items such as this soda can.

Coke Mini Fridge

Rating: 4 stars
$29.00

Your brand loyalty is unparalleled. Unless you choose to commit the eternal sin of filling your Coke fridge with Pepsi cans, you sick bastard.

Covert Spy Coin

Rating: 4 stars

It’s simple. Who would suspect the little nickel of hiding a secret? Though… come to think of it, it is a little suspicious that you carry any change on you at all these days.

Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure

Rating: 4.5 stars
$13.21

Uncanny, it looks just like you! If you cleaned up a little.

Credit Card Knife

Rating: 3.5 stars

Carry a knife, compass, tweezers, awl, magnifying glass, ruler, toothpick and bottle opener right next to your bum.

Cryptex Flash Drive

Rating: 4 stars
$47.95

Get all “Da Vinci Code” with your data.  To remove the actual drive, you have to enter the correct 5-digit code. Fun way to add a layer of physical security.

Dance Like Sweet Dee

Rating: 4 stars
$49.00

Whether you’ve got a shitload of used cars to sell or… well, I guess that’s about the only reason you’d need one of these.

Desktop Cannon

Rating: 3.5 stars

Whether you’re shooting flies, or just need a nice paperweight, this machined stainless steel cannon is a great desk accessory.

Desktop Jellyfish Aquarium

Rating: 3 stars
$399.99

What could be more soothing than having your own smack of jellyfish gently floating on your desk? Yes, a group of jellyfish is called a smack.

Desktop Punching Bag

Rating: 4 stars
$17.99

A stress-reliever, a boxing lover’s desk accessory, or a loose definition of fitness. This handy teeny punching bag serves many a purpose.

Ding Dong Door Mat

Rating: 4 stars

This is a silly doormat that was probably a lot funnier in a time before cell phones existed. Either way, you’ll have some fun figuring out how stupid some of your friends are.

Disco Light Bulb

Rating: 4.5 stars
$11.90

Screw-in disco bulb for an instant party.

Do-Everything iPhone 6 Case

Rating: 4 stars

Your iPhone pretty much does everything in the virtual world, why shouldn’t your iPhone case do everything in the physical world? Not content to just protect the phone from harm, the folks from ZVE created a case that is a bottle opener, cigarette lighter and a tripod mount. Insane. All of this for under $20.

Doorknob Organizer

Rating: 4.5 stars

Sometimes your memory and phone reminders just aren’t enough. Keep all the things you were probably going to forget on your way out in one conveniently located spot: the door handle.

Edible Gold Spray

Rating: 3.5 stars
$10.57

It’s common knowledge that things plated in gold taste better, so why not get some edible gold spray?

Electronic Claw Game

Rating: 3.5 stars
$37.64

It’s much less pathetic to spend hours on this game when you can do it inside your own home. You already own the prizes, so technically you can’t lose.

Emoji Slippers

Rating: 4 stars
$9.97

Emojis are everywhere. You cannot escape them. Wear them on your feet!

Erlenmeyer Shot Glass

Rating: 4.5 stars
$11.22

Perfect gift for the nerd who likes to party! Or at least to create that illusion.

Fake Parking Tickets

Rating: 4.5 stars
$3.12

Time for a little revenge for those asshole parkers.

Fake Pregnancy Belly

Rating: 3 stars
$169.00

You too can be like Maggy Lizer (ass off) with this pregnancy faker. This particular model simulates an 8 to 10 month pregnancy. Why do you need to fake a pregnancy?

Fake Pregnancy Test

Rating: 3.5 stars
$16.99

There’s nothing more funny than the chills-down-your-spine, panic inducing news that you’re pregnant! Oh, I guess the false elation over discovering that you’ve finally succeeded at reproducing after years of trying… that’s pretty funny too?

Fake Security Camera

Rating: 4 stars
$10.15

Don’t have the cash for a real security system at your home or business? This is the next best thing.

Female Mannequin

Rating: 3.5 stars
$48.44

No judgements here, man. If you want it, get it.

Female Urination Device

Rating: 4 stars
$9.49

When you gotta go girl, you go girl! Peeing into a bottle in a moving car is no longer the exclusive domain of males, now you ladies can feel the utter sense of shame too. This silicone device will funnel your urine into the receptacle of your choice.

Fire Column

Rating: 5 stars

Get your own modern fire column and stay cozy all winter long.

Floppy Disk Drink Coasters

Rating: 4.5 stars
$19.99

You may be old enough to find nostalgic value in these drink coasters but that doesn’t make you too old to drink to excess. Your other old fart pals will get a real kick out of these.

Get in the Mood

Rating: 4.5 stars
$144.99

This sleekly designed LED lamp lets you pick the right color of lighting and intensity to match your current mood.  My current mood is “resentful”, what color is that?

Get Shit Done Mug

Rating: 4.5 stars
$22.42

The mug makes a great point, you should stop fucking around and get shit done.

Giant Unicorn Lamp

Rating: 4.5 stars
$59.99

Suddenly I hate every other lamp I’ve ever owned. This unicorn is the lamp to end all lamps.

Gummy Bear Nightlight

Rating: 4.5 stars
$29.99

Now you can take your light sources like you take your sweets: gummy and artificial. With all the look and feel of a real Gummy Bear, this nightlight is perfect for anyone who loves Gummy Bears purely for their appearance and texture.

Gym Climbing Rope

Rating: 5 stars
$64.99 - $159.99

Palms are getting sweaty, fear of heights starting to kick in. The whole class is watching while Mr. Dirken is taunting you, waiting for you to fall into the mats below. Relive this as well as other great adolescent memories in your own home!

Han Solo in Carbonite Ice Tray

Rating: 3.5 stars
$10.67

Create ice with style.

Home Button Sticker Set

Rating: 4 stars
$5.99

A well-dressed “home” button is a happy “home” button. Especially if you stick a smiley face on it.

Hoodie Pillow

Rating: 4.5 stars

Look good, make it dark and sleep well all at the same time.

Horse Head Squirrel Feeder

Rating: 4 stars
$12.18

Horse head masks are so 2013. This bad boy is not just a horse head, it’s a squirrel feeder.

Hot Dog Toaster

Rating: 4 stars
$19.48

Your hot dogs are too good to go in the regular toaster with all those ordinary breads and non-special freezer meats. They deserve a hot dog toaster.

Hottest Peppers in the World

Rating: 4.5 stars
$7.99

Are you a masochist? If so, these little peppers are sure to make you cry. Cry tears of deliciousness.

How to Avoid Huge Ships

Rating: 3.5 stars

Note that this is the 2nd edition of this seminal work. Which is a good thing, as the 1st edition left so many questions unanswered.

I Like To Look Smart When I Drink

Rating: 5 stars
$14.95

Because the true sign of intelligence is thinking that plastering a molecular structure on your alcohol receptacle makes you appear intelligent.

Indoor Snowball Fight

Rating: 5 stars
$32.66

Experience all the fun of snow without any of the icky cold, outside, or naturally occurring parts. Have snowball fights whenever and wherever you want.

Inflatable Furniture

Rating: 3.5 stars
$78.08

Unfortunately, no, it’s not that cool neon kind all the cool kids had in the 90s. But you can still turn a soggy sack of fabric into a full couch in a matter of minutes!

Katana Bookends

Rating: 4 stars
$18.93

Give your graphic novel collection that 15th century Samurai edge its been so desperately needing with these Katana Bookends. Makes the chore of reading a book 100x more badass.

KeySmart

Rating: 4 stars
$19.99

Get rid of that jingle jangle of a mess in your pocket with this compact key manager.

Kim Kardashian Crying iPhone Case

Rating: 3.5 stars
$6.99

Keep up with the Kardashians and show off your affinity for lowbrow television at all times with this Pink Peri Kim Kardashian Crying Phone Case! Ugly crying Kimmy K on the outside, cushy crack-free phone on the inside.

Kramer Poster

Rating: 4.5 stars
$2.64

Why wouldn’t you want this classy Seinfeld poster hanging in your living room?

LED Pocket Wallet Light

Rating: 3.5 stars
$3.18

Locate your AMC gift card in a maze of pockets, verify that there is in fact still no cash… what can’t you do with an LED wallet light?

Levitating Picture Frame

Rating: 3.5 stars
$31.99

Tired of picture frames that obey the laws of physics? This anti-gravity frame is just the answer to your need for superfluous technology.

Lipo Laser

Rating: 0 stars

I don’t even… What?

Liquid Ass

Rating: 4.5 stars
$9.30

There’s nothing more American than mom, baseball, apple pie, and artificial fart smell.

Liquid Maze Phone Case

Rating: 3.5 stars

Playing with your phone has a whole new meaning.

Lockpick Practice Kit

Rating: 4 stars
$12.95

Your children could use more educational toys, like this one that teaches them the valuable life skill of breaking and entering. Or… mechanics, science… There’s probably a better way you can spin that.

Macho T-Shirt

Rating: 3 stars
$11.00

The perfect compliment to the club hoodie.

Magic Locking Box

Rating: 4 stars
$4.80

Nice wooden box to keep things hidden from prying eyes. What to store in there? You could put your weed in there man.

Magnetic Hourglass

Rating: 4 stars
$12.29

Sand is for wimps. This magnetic filings hourglass is sure to amaze.

Magnetic Thinking Putty

Rating: 4 stars
$14.99

This stuff is pretty crazy. It’s essentially magnetic silly putty, that exhibits all sorts of weird behaviors. Comes with a powerful magnet to let you do your own experiments. Science!

Magnetic Wrist Band

Rating: 4.5 stars

Carrying stuff is hard. Recommended for tools and nails, but come on. It’s a giant magnet on your wrist, use your imagination!

Make Any Room a Restroom

Rating: 4.5 stars
$4.78

Teachers’ Lounge? Nope, now it’s a restroom. Sister’s room? Yep, restroom. I would have gotten into some serious trouble as a youth, had I had access to industrial supplies such as these.

Marimo Aquarium

Rating: 4.5 stars
$32.95

This little moss ball is adorable! Be prepared for the responsibility though, they can live for 200 years.

Marshmallow Bow

Rating: 4 stars

Shoot marshmallows instead of arrows, just like Katniss did.

Mickey Waffle Maker

Rating: 4.5 stars
$29.69

Save money on a trip to Disney World and just make those Mickey shaped waffles in your own home. That’s all people go there for, right?

Mini Wireless Keyboard with Touchpad

Rating: 4 stars

Holy shit this thing is awesome. Sure, you’re not going to use it to write a novel but when you need it, having a tiny qwerty keyboard with all sorts of features is incredibly convenient. A great laptop accessory.

Ministry Of Magic Toilet Decal

Rating: 4.5 stars

Harry Potter fans rejoice! You can now display your literary passions where they’ll resonate most: on your toilet. To the Ministry Of Magic!

Miracle Fruit Tablets

Rating: 4 stars
$14.99

This stuff is straight-up magic! Makes sour foods taste sweet by temporarily changing your taste buds.

Moldy Sandwich Bags

Rating: 5 stars

Tired of that son-of-a-bitch Martin always stealing your lunch from the common fridge? Anyone would think twice about grabbing your BLT in this bag. These bags make it look like a nice fungal colony has started on your bread.

Money In Duck Soap

Rating: 4 stars
$12.67

The world’s best incentive to wash your hands. You know, besides hygiene and disease avoidance.

Moon Night Light

Rating: 3.5 stars
$9.49

That’s no space station, it’s a gorgeous 3D printed moon nightlight.

Mustache Pacifiers

Rating: 0 stars

These mustache pacifiers might keep your baby quiet, but you’ll be snickering nonstop.

Naughty Outlet Decal

Rating: 4 stars
$8.10

My 13-year-old self would have purchased about 30 of these decals and surreptitiously placed them in strategic locations through my school.

Nessie Ladle

Rating: 3.5 stars
$13.99

We found the Loch Ness Monster, and she’s adorable!  Now in soup ladle form.

Ninja Flip T-Shirt

Rating: 4.5 stars
$9.99 - $20.99

Now you ninja, now you don’t. Undershirt recommended but not required.

No-Tear Toilet Paper Roll

Rating: 4 stars
$6.52

Make this No-Tear Toilet Paper Roll the new reason your friends never want to come over. It’s a hilarious gag until you forget you put it there and fall victim to your own prank.

Octopus Beanie

Rating: 4.5 stars
$4.12

Certainly the most unique way to keep your face warm in the winter. Get one for the slopes or more ideally just sitting around your drafty house.

Old School Lightbulb

Rating: 4 stars
$8.99

Make your room look like an early 1900s brothel.

Old Timey Phone

Rating: 4.5 stars

Ring Ring! Hello, Operator? Transport yourself back to a time when people actually used house phones… and then a little farther back.

Outdoor Bluetooth Speaker

Rating: 4 stars
$79.95

Water resistant, shock proof, rechargeable, what’s not to like?

Parachute Pants

Rating: 0 stars

So fresh! You’ll look great while you downrock, headspin, b-boy, moonwalk, robot, toprock and worm.

Penis Candy

Rating: 3.5 stars
$6.00

Get your sweet and phallic fix all in one!

Pet High Chair

Rating: 4.5 stars

Why eat at the table alone when you can bring little Snuffles right up next to you? This little high chair clips onto your table and allow your pet to enjoy the luxury of fine dining.

Pineapple Slicer

Rating: 4.5 stars
$6.99

If you like Pina Coladas but not getting caught up in the prep, this oughta get you to your treat faster.

Pizza Jumpsuit

Rating: 0 stars

A different way to make your body look head-to-toe greasy. Suit up in this pepperoni jumpsuit!

Poo-Pourri Toilet Spray

Rating: 4.5 stars
$11.28

Febreze-ing once the deed is done is always a risky move. Take a little risk out of your number 2 and spray before you poo.

Poop Freeze

Rating: 2.5 stars

Got some poop that’s too warm for your liking?  Freeze it with Poop Freeze!

Predator Blowguns

Rating: 4 stars
$18.89

You get to hit targets using the power of your mouth. What else needs to be said?

Prop Money

Rating: 4 stars

Man this is cool. Fake stacks of money intended to be used for filmmaking, but the actual prank applications are endless.

Rainbow In My Room

Rating: 4 stars
$16.24

Waiting for an actual rainbow takes too long, and it’s even more difficult to get that thing into your room.

Raptor Dog Costume

Rating: 3.5 stars
$20.62

Tired of your dog being the joke of the neighborhood? Dog suffering from low self-esteem due to its diminutive size? Those days are over.

Rattlesnake Eggs

Rating: 4 stars
$4.75

Every girl dreams her man will bring her the eggs of a venomous reptile. You can make her dreams come true. Or… you know, use it as an April Fool’s gag.

Razor Crazy Cart

Rating: 3.5 stars
$349.24

Throw your hands in the air, and drift it like you just don’t care. This bad-boy was made for showing off.

Ready, Aim, Wake!

Rating: 3.5 stars
$20.99

Wake up and start shooting.  The focus needed to hit the target is sure to get you going.

Rearview Spy Glasses

Rating: 4 stars
$5.08

Just because you can’t see them, it doesn’t mean you’re not being followed. Break out your inner spy with these trick mirror glasses.

Reindeer Threesome Sweater

Rating: 4 stars
$54.99

Clearly Rudolph knows all the best reindeer games. Bet the other reindeer are glad they let him join in.

Relaxation Capsule

Rating: 4 stars
$89,995.00

If you’re one of those people who has trouble falling asleep in the presence of any sort of external stimulation whatsoever, you gotta get yourself one of these futuristic relaxation capsules. It’s completely sound, light, and heat proof for optimized napping.

Remote Control Air Swimmers

Rating: 3 stars
$63.99

The thing people love most about fish is their ability to float through the air. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. But that’s what these things do.

Ringtone Annoy-a-Tron

Rating: 3.5 stars

A wonderful little prank device, this gadget will randomly play a ringtone, causing everyone to wonder WTF it’s coming from. It’s small enough that it’s going to be tough to find.

Rule Your Own Biosphere

Rating: 4 stars
$60.99

Fortunately, Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin are not included. Rule with an iron fist over your own ecosystem. Sealed and entirely self-contained, this sphere will sustain the lives of the included shrimp for up to 3 years.

Self-Stirring Mug

Rating: 3 stars
$8.99

Too exhausted to even stir your own coffee in the morning? This thing will take that trying burden off your hands.

Selk’bag 4G Lite

Rating: 4 stars

Why waste money on winter heating when you can just wear one of these around all day?

Send Secret Messages

Rating: 3.5 stars

Lemon juice based secret message systems are so over. This marvel of modern technology uses an attached UV light to ensure no busybodies are intercepting your important missives.

Sheep Placenta

Rating: 4 stars
$9.49

Ugh. Just…. ugh.

Shock Ball Game

Rating: 3 stars
$16.67

Hot potato hot potat-OW! Make sporadic unpredictable electricity-induced pain into a fun little game for you and your friends.

Show Off in Class

Rating: 3.5 stars
$9.26

Be the coolest kid in your row with this butterfly-style pen flipper.

Shower Idea Board

Rating: 3 stars
$17.95

Write down those brilliant suds-induced ideas while they’re still fresh.

Shrimp Throw Pillow

Rating: 1.5 stars
$21.83

If you love yourself some stuffed shrimp, try this one on for size. This one’s better uncooked.*

Sky Lanterns

Rating: 3.5 stars
$8.59

Start the new year off right with a night sky full of beautiful, flame powered sky lanterns.

Smartphone Projector

Rating: 2 stars
$25.03

You don’t go to the movies. The movies come with you! Just [quickly] assemble and project away.

Sound Activated Car Stickers

Rating: 3.5 stars

Let the world know you’re rocking phat beats with these LED equalizer car stickers.

Spin The Shot

Rating: 4 stars
$8.13

Step 1: Spin the shot. Step 2: Drink the shot. End of instructions.

Sriracha Key Chain

Rating: 4.5 stars
$15.00

You’ll never be without sriracha again, because if you were that would also mean you were without your keys. All you have to remember is to fill the empty bottle. Think you can manage that?

Stripper Scent Air Freshener

Rating: 4 stars
$10.71

Some aim to remove the stripper scent from their cars, while others can’t get enough of it.

Sunscreen Alcohol Flask

Rating: 4.5 stars
$8.99

We seem to have a thing for hidden alcohol containers.  Nobody will notice if you take a nip from your sunscreen right?

Support the Troops

Rating: 5 stars

Show those rebel scum that you mean business, and that you’ve got the stormtroopers’ backs.  Nice looking decal that would look great on the back of either your minivan or TIE Fighter.

SwissChamp

Rating: 4.5 stars

In the arms race that is Swiss Army Knife development, Victorinox has taken the title with 80 built-in functions.

Table Top Gong

Rating: 5 stars
$99.99

Someone hanging around in your office a bit too long? Give ’em an exit cue with this sweet 12″ Zildjian table top gong.

Tampon Flask

Rating: 4 stars
$13.38

Great for sneaking booze into sporting events you alcoholic.

The Big Bad Book of Bill Murray

Rating: 4 stars

A Critical Appreciation of the World’s Finest Actor

The Face Bank

Rating: 3.5 stars
$17.99

Teach your kids about finances, and creep them out at the same time!

The Willy Warmer

Rating: 4 stars
$8.99

Great gag gift for the man in your life who a) has a great sense of humor, and b) isn’t overly well-endowed.

The Wine Rack

Rating: 3 stars
$29.99

Wine… Rack… Wine Rack. Get it? Really, really need to consume alcohol, but don’t want anyone to know you’re doing it? If so, then I guess having larger than usual breasts for awhile is the least of your worries. Cheers!

Titanium Butter Knife

Rating: 3 stars
$30.00

When stainless steel isn’t good enough, go with Titanium. This knife uses your body heat to help cut through and spread butter smoothly.

Toast USB Hand Warmers

Rating: 4 stars

Stop typing with cold hands!  These convenient, USB-powered hand warmers look like toast and will keep you cozy while you create the next Facebook.  Adorable.

Train Your Lazy Fish

Rating: 4 stars
$24.99

Tired of your fish just swimming around in circles, contributing nothing to society?  Yeah, me too.  Time to whip those fish into shape and show them how the real world works.  Teach your fish how to do some entertaining tricks.

Traumatize Your Children

Rating: 4.5 stars

We doubt you need any more help in this arena, but just in case here’s a 144 page book to help you traumatize your children.

Two Dollar Bills

Rating: 4 stars
$19.74

Yes, $2 bills are real, and they’re awesome.  If you’ve ever wanted to grab some, albeit at a premium, here’s your chance.

UFO Detector

Rating: 3.5 stars
$87.66

Hands down, the most accurate UFO detector on the market.

Undies For Two

Rating: 4.5 stars
$14.99

You know you’ve found the one when you share the same sense of underwear style. Pants and shirts for 2 sold separately (probably).

Unicorn Meat

Rating: 4.5 stars
$12.86

“Excellent source of sparkles” indeed. It’s the wonderful retro design of the can, coupled with the unappetizing photo of hunks of meat that really make this work. Would look right at home tucked away in a cupboard with cans of soup. This terrific product from Radiant Farms would make a great gag gift or serve as fodder for a fiendish prank.

Uranium. Yes, Uranium.

Rating: 3.5 stars
$39.95

It’s a good thing Amazon doesn’t ship to North Korea, or Kim Jong-un would almost certainly be an Amazon Prime member. This is an honest-to-goodness container of Uranium Ore. You’ve got to love a product that proudly proclaims that it’s in compliance with the Nuclear Regulatory Commission regulations.

USB Pet Rock

Rating: 4 stars
$39.99

Perfect gift for that quasi-luddite uncle who probably really did have a pet rock, and would find endless humor in the irreverent contrast between modern technology and stone age fun.

USB Pole Dancer

Rating: 3.5 stars

The only thing that could improve this little pole dancer would be if it gave off a subtle aroma of sadness, desperation and daddy issues.

USB Shield Mask

Rating: 2 stars
$53.50

If your job requires you to a) sit in front of a computer and b) have maximum face protection for some reason, then this USB powered shield mask with fan is for you!

Uzi Tactical Pen

Rating: 4 stars
$14.95

Whether you’re in need of a sharp object to break glass, or you’re just feeling a little stabby, this pen does it all. Includes a built-in handcuff key, ’cause… you know.

Viking Battle Axe

Rating: 3.5 stars
$35.02

You know what would really improve the feel of your living room? An ancient Norse pillaging and murder weapon.

Water Balloon Roulette

Rating: 3.5 stars
$13.95

Combining childhood joy and the deadly game of chance has never been so much fun!

Weener Kleener Soap

Rating: 4.5 stars
$9.99

Ok, let’s not beat around the bush here. This is soap, shaped like a ring, that you can put your penis into for cleaning purposes.

What If?

Rating: 4.5 stars

This clever book from ‘xkcd’ makes the perfect gift for implying actual thought went into purchasing it or a delightful coffee table book for yourself. Tackles the questions you never knew you needed answers to, like “ How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live?”

Wine Bottle Wine Glass

Rating: 4.5 stars
$17.99

Don’t hide your alcoholism, flaunt it! A wine bottle sized wine glass means you’ll never have to ask for a refill.

WWII Cargo Parachute

Rating: 0 stars

If this authentic WWII parachute doesn’t make you the coolest guy at the reenactment, we don’t know what will.

Zentai Supersuit

Rating: 3.5 stars
$13.20 - $200.00

Be that guy, own it. Be weird as fuck, letting it all hang out.

“Secret Service” Ear Buds

Rating: 3 stars
$9.53

The Eagle has landed.* Just add sunglasses and sleek black suit.